feeling a bit uneasy.

I have a few things that bother me. When I was quite young I became involved with the brethren "church" off shoot from the exclusive kind but grounded well in the word of God. Just way to pious and not as well informed with many matters of dealing with a fractured soul with so much anger.  At that age I was looking for Him. I had 1st hear of God at sunday school. I understood so much more than even I dared to allow myself to think of in case I fall into a moment of play backs a mind that likes to remember things but doesn't have control of the focus or the "pause" control, let alone push the stop button. Many things taught to me way back then have been popping up left right and centre. I knew at once these things where true, but no sooner had I met Him things got in the way. I was going the wrong way. Lost again. Wasn't where I was meant to be. Too eager to please. Didn't have the safety of a normal family back ground. Too many wrong choices taken too deeply to see to far forward. Another blow to a person who so needed to be picked up by some Godly man who was made to deal with who I am today. It ain't easy. Trust me. 21 years of hanging on and trying to keep things in the we'll talk about that later mode. Doesn't sound right I know but I have skirted around the subject of marriage for like since Brian Morrison. Met him at 17/18. Married rather quickly after stuff happened. Man alive let no man use the word responsibly around a bloke who was having his own mind opening up to a whole new world that he didn't want to stop cause we slip up once. Gave him his choice and meant it. Just have to make sure the baby and I are well cared for. No worries good bye. But he kept coming back. !!!!! What to you say to him, like thats your husband right promises in front all. No, in the end he chose to do the right thing...... Still he was given the way out front and an open door right up to the day Selena was Born. After that he knew what it meant. I did not make it easy. I was a manic and didn't know it. well thats it the fingers are getting not responding to the signals from the brain so ooooo  o oo