Look I jumped up and did what had to be done to get Jess past a rough bad mental stuff up, texting Joe and making him worry needlessly, upsetting Bec. Not being up front and asking for help. Lying and what comes with that. So called concerned friends but not too much to talk to us. Having us put ourselves out in the thick of it to find out what we have now  etc.....
Being told by Al that he wasn't going to second guess the actions taken only to be told that it was a mistake!!!!!!!  
Graham saying things we ought to have known years ago......


Really ... and now everyone has to tip toe around her again.
COME ON>>>...

I may come across all smiles and nice but I have had enough with bloody drugs and piss weak actions.

Let it be known I am far from impressed.





I am so angry right now.
It might be the bipolar happening here but I think maybe no.
After years of asking Al to read up on bipolar to help him understand me so he can be better able to handle it when it rears up........ no he just hasn't thought it important enough and time after time he has muffed it with me. However because I am truly in love with him I have not pushed it. Only ever just asked. I know he too has suffered from depression from time to time and he has his hands full with that so I let it go.
NOW Jess is in need and he is looking up everything he can to understand her dilemma and not being able to get to grips with her mental pain. Even trying to understand the drugs she takes and what happens to her when she is flying off her tree. Would of been nice to of had that same reaction for me and mine.
Pity he didn't show as much when I had to deal with Selena and Chris. I had to deal with My bipolar myself and no one was there for me to hang on to. I had to get a grip and see to it and did.
I only had God. Even with all that I still got other things seen to.


Well he now is going to see just how life will change now that we know more about Jess. He is going to have his hands full, his mind full and everything he has is going to be taken up by Jess and her needs.

Very soon he will have to choose, well actually he already has shown who comes before all. Always the last on his list and well I will have to just move on once Jess is seen to and all is going well for her.
Over it all thanks.

feeling a bit uneasy.

I have a few things that bother me. When I was quite young I became involved with the brethren "church" off shoot from the exclusive kind but grounded well in the word of God. Just way to pious and not as well informed with many matters of dealing with a fractured soul with so much anger.  At that age I was looking for Him. I had 1st hear of God at sunday school. I understood so much more than even I dared to allow myself to think of in case I fall into a moment of play backs a mind that likes to remember things but doesn't have control of the focus or the "pause" control, let alone push the stop button. Many things taught to me way back then have been popping up left right and centre. I knew at once these things where true, but no sooner had I met Him things got in the way. I was going the wrong way. Lost again. Wasn't where I was meant to be. Too eager to please. Didn't have the safety of a normal family back ground. Too many wrong choices taken too deeply to see to far forward. Another blow to a person who so needed to be picked up by some Godly man who was made to deal with who I am today. It ain't easy. Trust me. 21 years of hanging on and trying to keep things in the we'll talk about that later mode. Doesn't sound right I know but I have skirted around the subject of marriage for like since Brian Morrison. Met him at 17/18. Married rather quickly after stuff happened. Man alive let no man use the word responsibly around a bloke who was having his own mind opening up to a whole new world that he didn't want to stop cause we slip up once. Gave him his choice and meant it. Just have to make sure the baby and I are well cared for. No worries good bye. But he kept coming back. !!!!! What to you say to him, like thats your husband right promises in front all. No, in the end he chose to do the right thing...... Still he was given the way out front and an open door right up to the day Selena was Born. After that he knew what it meant. I did not make it easy. I was a manic and didn't know it. well thats it the fingers are getting not responding to the signals from the brain so ooooo  o oo

I have always said and have always know that my sons ex wife and her mother and her sister where not to be trusted. Now it has come to pass, they have made my son to be the bad guy when it is them who have used and abused their way where ever they go. I am between 2 choices, do I tell DCP everything I know about them which isn't that good. Or do I sit on my hands. One of them is a J W. Yeah you have to watch your back with them too. They oooooo hang on just got a cool idea. Get back to you.

How I got to here.

wow what a life I have had, so knowing that others have had far worse a life but I will attempt to brush the surface.
1964 was the year that my family arrived in Australia. In July. some time just before or just after my birthday which is the 18th. I was 3 that year. Because my mother forgot the papers that said that we where all up to date with our needles some woman decided that we had to be done again and we spent hours at the Sydney airport with us 2 little ones in nappies. I knew what the toilet was by then. To this day I still am unsure if the extra junk from the extra needles had done something to us. We three young ones didn't have a very healthy time of it the first few years here. Anyway we where then sent to the immigration camp in NSW, not Skyville the other one where they are having huge troubles now. It was quite a while before we left and moved into a house that was just built. 10 kids, 3 bedrooms outside toilet, 2 adults and a huge back yard.
Much happened while we where there, not much of it was great or nice. Some of it was totally agreeable and totally laughable today.
7 years at that house, then QLD, a few stories to make the mouth drop there.There we lived in Nambour. After about 2 years we moved again, moved into a place in the inner suburbs of Brisbane. Then we moved to Pannawonica, wow man that was wow. Then back to Qld to a area called Darra. Just as I was getting settled and actually happy we moved to WA, Newman. Hated it from the start, ran away from it, made to go back. The year I turn 16 my parents took me to my sisters in Cairns. I stayed at Jeane's 1st but she didn't like be there so I moved to Joyce's. By the time I was 17 I had moved into my own flat in Cairns. By the end of that year I had moved to my brother Rudy's house in Redbank near Brisbane. Met God. It was a whirlwind that took me so far away from what I was at that time. Which I have to say wasn't something I had a handle on then.
After a while Rudy wanted to go to a church he had heard about that met under a house in Camira. Brethren based group. Man alive what a cruel but informative 10 years was spent in their company. By the end of those years I had ended up at a Assemblies of God church in Mt Gravatt. Then things went out of control and I had to leave and moved 2 kids and all I could carry on the train I moved to my sister's place in Beckenham, then to my own house in Lynwood. the Victoria Park then Goomalling and now here. Oh also spent some time in the Bunbury region.
Many ups and downs and lots of crazy shit going down left right and centre. There are so many stories about my time here on this earth and many good lesson's among the sad lessons. Turning away from God only to just hang on by the most slimmest of threads.
The eye's have seen such lows that it floored me for years, these same eye's have seen such highs that have lighten the load and made the mind understand that God was/is and will forever be the only answer.
Sure things have always been hard going and so many issues that have either been ignored or pushed aside for other people. Now at last I too have come to place where I must be still. Rest and fix the body issues, love, give, pray and be the one who God had always meant me to be. Ha now that a statement worth saying.

What an amazing year it has been so far. we have so many earth issues going on. Not since the world began has there been so many volcano's spluttering into action, tectonic plates movements, flooding in places that hasn't seen one since the middle ages. Full on wind events that have totally wiped out small towns and entering noted cities with destruction. It's like the northern hemisphere has totally lost grip and is rapidly making it's own way to a new landscape.
We've have also seen the rise of a extreme Muslim group called the Islamic state. Brutally insane people who kill children, women, men and their animals too I had read on one report. Cutting off peoples heads then parading around with the heads and allowing their own children to be pictured with them. I am sure that the picture that have surfaced on Youtube are not the only ones. Still it is crazy to believe that Islam is a peaceful thing when they too fight among themselves as well as the rest of the world. I have not seen anyone stand and get all in your face about jokes and less than nice remarks about Jesus Christ. This is cause we know he hears and will deal with any who makes such remarks in his time. Yes I have seen people stand up and say that people ought not say stupid things about Him but we do not react violently. No point. Russia is going nuts, again. the middle eastern countries also are becoming a great concern but in the bible it does say that this will happen. I believe that the bible is right and the end days are now here. Too many events that had been written down once upon a time are now going down in fast succession.
It is written in the bible that we have to keep an eye on the sky's, well there has been good reason to do so of late. Many unforeseen asteroids have been noted with less that a week before it passes earth with one recently to comets coming in close. Who needs wars when we have a fair amount of danger coming from places above our heads.
Even our own people are going down like flys in a furnace. Every 4 seconds someone ends their life. The anger in the wider community has skyrocketed. Father against son, mother verses daughter, brothers verse sister etc etc etc. That too is in the bible. The young are seeing things that they ought not to be shown. Morals are not being adhered to at all. Promises are not kept, abuse at all levels are at an all time high. It's heartbreaking.

I have been through and seen too much from a very young age. Had abuse thrown at me from my siblings and parents, even strangers, friends of the family and my own husband. For the last 20 years I have been trying to keep my distance from those things and as of today have got it right to a degree. I'm back with the one true constant in my life which has been God. Now with his help I have come to understand that I need to be who I am to be there for those whom God wants me to go to.
It hasn't stopped though, the learning but it's much more accepted by my heart to remain open to the call, when it comes to help those who need me.

Apart from that all ok.

Today is the 25th August 2014.
Today I saw what happens to someone who isn't following the course that has been set by God for them yet they fight it and allow themselves to be run over by the devil.

Jenny Weston has been a sad person for such a long time she has forgotten what she is here for and it isn't to have a second change at parenting with our grandchildren. Her " illness " has to be "fixed" 1st then she can only be grandma. Her body will soon show the price one pays to be on drugs that you don't really need. Ashe will be a long time in healing and she needs to know the kids are good. Even though they are not with her. Chris will do very well and look after his children well. He needs his own place and his independence. 

All the promises and understandings that we had spoken about to keep the kids out of harms way has again not been allowed. Not been kept to. It is so sad to have to go through the motions. Just sad.

Robin’s gift could be likened to fastest thoroughbred race-horse on earth. It had unbeatable endurance, nimbleness, and a huge heart. However, it had never been fully trained. Sometimes Robin would ride it like a kayaker tearing down white-water, skimming on the edge of control. We would marvel at his courage, his daring, and his brilliance. But at other times, the horse went where he wanted, and Robin could only hang on for dear life.
In the final analysis, what failed Robin was his greatest gift---his imagination. Clutching the horse he could no longer think of a single thing to do to change his life or make himself feel better, and he stepped off the edge of the saddle. Had the horse been trained, it might have reminded him that there is always something we can do. We can take a walk until the feeling passes. We can find someone else suffering and help them, taking the attention off our own. Or, finally, we can learn to muster our courage and simply sit still with what we are thinking are insoluble problems, becoming as intimate with them as we can, facing them until we get over our fear. They may even be insoluble, but that does not mean that there is nothing we can do.
Our great-hearted friend will be back as the rain, as the cry of a Raven as the wind. He, you and I have never for one moment not been a part of all it. But we would be doing his life and memory a dis-service if we did not extract some wisdom from his choice, which, if we ponder deeply enough, will turn out to be his last gift. He would beg us to pay attention if he could.

Peter Coyote

Robin William’s Last Gift
Robin and I were friends. Not intimate, because he was very shy when he was not performing. Still, I spent many birthdays and holidays at his home with Marsha and the children, and he showed up at my 70th birthday to say “Hello” and wound up mesmerizing my relatives with a fifteen minute set that pulverized the audience.
When I heard that he had died, I put my own sorrow aside for a later time. I’m a Zen Buddhist priest and my vows instruct me to try to help others. So this little letter is meant in that spirit.
Normally when you are gifted with a huge talent of some kind, it’s like having a magnificent bicep. People will say, “Wow, that’s fantastic” and they tell you, truthfully, that it can change your life, take you to unimaginable realms. It can and often does. The Zen perspective is a little different. We might say, “Well, that’s a great bicep, you don’t have to do anything to it. Let’s work at bringing the rest of your body up to that level.”
Robin’s gift could be likened to fastest thoroughbred race-horse on earth. It had unbeatable endurance, nimbleness, and a huge heart. However, it had never been fully trained. Sometimes Robin would ride it like a kayaker tearing down white-water, skimming on the edge of control. We would marvel at his courage, his daring, and his brilliance. But at other times, the horse went where he wanted, and Robin could only hang on for dear life.
In the final analysis, what failed Robin was his greatest gift---his imagination. Clutching the horse he could no longer think of a single thing to do to change his life or make himself feel better, and he stepped off the edge of the saddle. Had the horse been trained, it might have reminded him that there is always something we can do. We can take a walk until the feeling passes. We can find someone else suffering and help them, taking the attention off our own. Or, finally, we can learn to muster our courage and simply sit still with what we are thinking are insoluble problems, becoming as intimate with them as we can, facing them until we get over our fear. They may even be insoluble, but that does not mean that there is nothing we can do.
Our great-hearted friend will be back as the rain, as the cry of a Raven as the wind. He, you and I have never for one moment not been a part of all it. But we would be doing his life and memory a dis-service if we did not extract some wisdom from his choice, which, if we ponder deeply enough, will turn out to be his last gift. He would beg us to pay attention if he could.

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